​I addressed a group of men at a local church. The topic:

“Male Sexuality and the modern day Rat Race”

I started the discussion by asking them to spontaneously complete the sentence: “Sex is ......”

They initially elevated the question to a spiritual/moral level.

• A God given gift

• A moral responsibility

• A temptation

• Holy

This discussion soon changed to “juicy” then “fun”, “enjoyable”, “slippery” and “sensual”. Lastly there was a third level. The core of my being:

• A challenge

• Complicated

• Problematic

It is a well-known fact that a condition called “General Sexual Dysfunction” (GSD) is the most commonly diagnosed sexual dysfunction clinicians and sexologist deal with today (20- 30 years ago it was frigidity, a female condition).

General Sexual Dysfunction is a male condition. In ordinary language it means: “Men struggle to “get it up” and to get it up as frequently as they would like to”. The reasons for this: A stressful lifestyle, burnout and general busyness. Medication taken for modern day stress related conditions also impact on male virility.

Viagra, Cialis and other aphrodisiacs are often seen as a shortcut and an easy way out to improve things. An interesting fact is that Viagra is mostly used by younger men and is seen as a recreational drug.

Question: Is it really healing and addressing the core of the problem?

Sex in my opinion is predominantly about the relationship and is heavily influenced by lifestyle and stress. We live in a time where “Speed has become God”. Do more and more and do it faster. Worries about safety and cost of living all contribute to this as well. An already over-stretched coping system. End result - naked stress = GSD

All of the above result in other problems. One of the most common is “addiction to pornography”. This is an easy escape into an unreal world where people experience non-demanding and uncomplicated pleasure. (But more about this in a future article)

Sex is not only physical. Personally I would prefer to call it “Making love. Sex to really become all it CAN BE, need to be anchored in a healthy open and growing relationship. It is a place where people meet each other with “naked honesty”, a place of intimacy, extreme trust and of sharing ourselves and becoming ONE. Only then does it becomes “MAGIC”

In this context the statement “Sex is holy” is true. It is not just a physical connection, but also spiritual and emotional. At times it is extremely playful, frivolous, sensual and juicy and couples should invest in never losing this side of their relationship. (Also known as one of the most important anchors in the relationship)

Sex also has other dimensions. If people bring themselves as integrated human beings with clarity on their personal purpose and values into the relationship, it will make the connection even more powerful. The interaction will be real; partners where will claim responsibility for their own needs and wants whilst still remaining sensitive to the needs of their partners. If they can develop and embrace a common value system (the psychological software we all run on) and combine it with love, respect and trust, it will be reflected in their behaviour in and outside the bedroom. This sounds idealistic yet it is attainable!

We must also appreciate that we as human beings go through different development phases as adults and from time to time experience some personal crisis and transitions. No individual or relationship is ever stagnant and it is easy to grow away from each other. That is why we need to invest in talking, sharing and being clear about our future dreams.

As individuals and as couples we need to discover our Personal GPS “Where are we on our way to and how will we get there? “

I look forward to receiving your question/s